At the core of all I do with Alaka’i Associates is the lessons I have learned, and now teach, for self care and stress management. This month’s news is focused on those lessons with excerpts from my book Under a Full Moon and a Guiding Star.

I always want to begin with gratitude for the opportunity to share with you my passion, my gifts, my experience. 

The Art of Being in Gratitude & Abundance 

I have come to an awareness that abundance comes in many forms and we have to train ourselves to notice it. Somewhere along my path I became keenly aware of how expressing gratitude on a daily basis could alter the journey ahead in a positive way. Practice and fortitude brings us into being with gratitude and abundance. It paves the path with smooth stones that would protect us from falling. My daily prayer has become, “I am grateful for the abundance I have received; I am grateful for the abundance I am about to receive; and I am grateful for the abundance I am able to share.” That daily practice is part of the art of being.

Life is Good – whether you see it ½ full or ½ empty is your choice, but be grateful you have a cup – a life.

Having the privilege of being born and raised in Hawaii, one of my greatest lessons, and one I am still learning, is how to truly live ALOHA. 

I learned the value of our aloha culture through connections with family, friends, neighbors, church, school, teachers, and mentors. I didn’t understand it when I was younger the way I do now, but because it was integrated into how I was raised, it became a foundation for my core values. I was blessed that the Universe/God/Source/Creator guided my parents from Nebraska to Hawaii so that I can call it my home. Hawai’i is a special place because of ALOHA. Defined by Pilhai Pake as:

A – Akahai – meaning Kindness to be expressed with a feeling of tenderness.

L – Lõkahi – meaning Unity to be expressed with a feeling of harmony.

O – `Olu’olu – meaning Agreeable to be expressed with a feeling of pleasantness.

H – Ha’aha’a – meaning Humility – to be expressed with a feeling of modesty.

A – Ahonui – meaning Patience – to be applied with perseverance.

To truly live aloha, you must employ all five components. One does not exist without the others. 

Twenty-three years ago I faced one of the biggest challenges of my life. Unexpected change can take you from calm to chaos in an instant. Having an understanding of change and the ability to navigate through it became critically important for my life’s journey ahead. 

My youngest son, Jacob, was diagnosed with brain cancer and he passed away in 2005. During that journey with him I discovered that I needed to find ways to manage my stress and care for myself while at the same time I was caring for him, working full time, attending school full time, and caring for the rest of my family and that’s how I developed my Alaka’i Lessons. 

Breathe 

Our breath is the first thing we come into the world with and the last thing we leave with. Here’s how I learned to really breathe.

I remember that pivotal moment in learning the power of breath and breathing. As humans we are wired to survive and when we feel threatened, fear can cause us to hold our breath. But at some point we must come up for air and are sometimes gasping for it. That first critical moment for me was when Jacob was hit by a car in front of our house. I saw it about to happen and by the time I was out the door he was lying in the street. As I rushed to him a neighbor gently stepped in front of me, held my shoulders and quietly said, “Breathe.” 

In the 30+ years since that moment there have been many more times when crises or fear have taken my breath away. But along the way I have come to realize that even in our daily lives the stressors can cause us to hold our breath. Unknowingly, when we tense up, and are not breathing fully or deeply, we are depriving our bodies of the oxygen it needs to function at its full capacity. Learning breathing techniques has led me to a new awareness of this critical function and I have incorporated it into my daily habits and support resources.

Stay Healthy 

There are two things that most humans are doing that impacts their health and they aren’t even paying attention – being dehydrated and sleep deprived. Both of these impact our ability to think and operate with focus and clarity. Drink more water and get more sleep! If you would like to develop a personal wellness plan contact me at https://alakaiassociates.com/contact/

Balance Time 

Let me first dispel the myth that balance means equal. It means quality. Let me share this with you…

Years ago I was introduced to the Lõkahi Wheel through an amazing exercise. The group I was with was asked to form a circle and we were each given a 5 foot string that were all attached to a ring in the middle. We were told to hold our string taut so that the raw egg placed on the ring could stay balanced. The egg represented our fragile life, the strings were each of the areas of our life that need to stay in balance – spirituality/soul, friends/family, work/school, feelings/emotions, and physical/body. Then as we stood there one person was asked to let go of their string while the rest of the group was to keep the egg balanced. Then, one by one another string was dropped, and as you can imagine, at some point the egg dropped and broke. Have you ever felt like your life was broken? I have developed some resources to help you keep your life balanced. Download the Simple Guide to Self Care. 

Take 10 

Press Pause. In just 10 minutes you can give your mind, body, and soul a reset. Take a walk outside, get hydrated, and do some deep breathing. Take a 10 minute break at least twice a day. Set reminders on your phone and calendar.

Share the Load 

We all have difficulty asking for help. We want to show others how strong and resilient we are. But sometimes that only adds to our stress. Here’s how to ask for help: Be specific in what you are asking for – what does the task entail; match your ask to the individual’s skillset – not everyone is going to live up to your expectations but the better matched they are to the task, the better the outcome; and last, but certainly not least – show your gratitude – it’s the oil that keeps the wheel of giving and receiving turning for the possibility of them helping again.

Lifeboat 

Out in the middle of the ocean, on stormy seas, that’s how I felt during our journey with Jacob’s cancer. Sometimes feeling like my ship was about to sink and looking for someone to keep me afloat. That’s where I developed my “lifeboat theory.” Most of us are familiar with what a lifeboat is and how it is used. You know, women and children first, and always one person in the boat who guides everyone else to safety. Many times, in the midst of life’s storms, we rely on that one person (sometimes more) to keep us from drowning. Who is in your lifeboat? Find at least five people – the ones you can always count on. Those friends who, even though you may live miles or even countries apart, are still there for you when you need a lifeline at 3 a.m. Studies have shown that being able to identify those lifelines can add years to your life. And, once you have identified them, let them know how much you appreciate them.

Think Positive 

Here’s a great way to start…

The Principles of Attitudinal Healing

1. The Essence Of Our Being Is Love.
2. Health Is Inner Peace, Healing Is Letting Go Of Fear.
3. Giving And Receiving Are The Same.
4. We Can Let Go Of The Past And Of The Future.
5. Now Is The Only Time There Is And Each Instant Is For Giving.
6. We Can Learn To Love Ourselves And Others By Forgiving Rather Than Judging.
7. We Can Become Love Finders Rather Than Fault-Finders.
8. We Can Choose And Direct Ourselves To Be Peaceful Inside Regardless Of What Is Happening Outside.
9. We Are Students And Teachers To Each Other.
10. We Can Focus On The Whole Of Life Rather Than The Fragments.
11. Since Love Is Eternal, Death Need Not Be Viewed As Fearful.
12. We Can Always Perceive Ourselves And Others As Either Extending Love Or Fearful And Giving A Call Of Help For Love. 

Motivate Others 

Here’s how I learned the power of praise…

One of my best mentors introduced me to the power of praise, and how it is the foundation of building trust in relationships. You “catch” someone doing good, encourage the right behavior, and without criticizing any errors, guide and coach them in the right direction. Praise in the truest and most honest form is what makes a lasting impression and is most valued by those who receive it. Who will you offer praise to today?

Play 

Being able to share my Alaka’i Lessons is where I have found my joy and purpose; and my fun comes when I get to spend time with friends and family – especially my 6 grandchildren! Where do you find joy and play?

Wrap it Up

We are back to gratitude and What Will Matter.

WHAT WILL MATTER by Michael Josephson (c) 2003

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours, or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.

Your grudges, resentments, frustrations, and jealousies will finally disappear.

So, too, your hopes, ambitions, plans, and to-do lists will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.

It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.

Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?
What will matter is not what you bought but what you built; not what you got but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage,

or sacrifice that enriched, empowered, or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.

What will matter is not your memories but the memories of those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom, and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.

It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.

Choose to live a life that matters.

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What’s next?

Beyond the Horizon – A Guide for Life’s Journey

This book was written as a companion for anyone who is ready to remember that there is still more for you. More joy. More breath. More life. More self. There is a horizon with your name on it.

Inside these pages are grounding practices, emotional truths, and gentle reminders that your wellbeing matters. You do not need hours. You only need moments and intention. If you want a book that meets you where you are, this one does.

Caregiving changes you. It stretches you, challenges you, shapes you. But somewhere in the routine and responsibility, pieces of you can go quiet. Beyond the Horizon helps you hear yourself again.

Get your copy today! https://alakaiassociates.com/beyond-the-horizon/ 

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Looking for guided support? Explore all the resources and workshops designed to help you live aloha, live well.

For one-to-one guidance, reach out at https://alakaiassociates.com/contact/ to schedule a free 30-minute Discovery Call.

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Join the Journey.